My mother even emailed after seeing this mentioned in my first post, so I should talk about this subject I guess sooner than later.
Growing up, I always received these compliments of how people were impressed by my confidence. I guess those acting lessons paid off, and maybe I should have been a professional athlete (since we know they are the best actors of all - no ref, I swear that was a foul, did you see how he ran into me and hurt me.. oh, ouch...) Anyway. They were wrong. I had confidence in my dancing. I had confidence in my gymnastics. I did not have confidence in talking to people. In hanging out with people my age. I was fine with other dancers, other gymnasts - for the most part. But just not much confidence there. I internalize a lot. As I've grown, it hasn't been easy to hide hurt as well as when I was young, so I'm even more sensitive unfortunately. I can play it off sometimes, but not often.
What does this have to do with widowers? I'll get to it, hold on. Another thing about me, I can only go out with one person at a time. That doesn't mean I see them every single day, no. But I just like to work on one thing at a time. (Odd for someone who is an extreme multitasker in other aspects of life. Maybe I'm still multitasking though, since I am balancing dating with everything else I do.) When I date someone though, my efforts (for lack of a better word) are focused on that one person, and I'm not trying to figure out who I like better. That's not been my best suite in the past. And I'm sorry, all those silly books that glamorize having multiple people chasing after you - obviously the author has never gone through it. It is not glamorous, it is not fun - I do not recommend it.
Also, I don't like to compete for a guy (but if they choose to go out with more than me, of course that is their right to do, just don't tell me.) In college, I'd be at a a guy's house I was dating (I may have shared this on the blog before, sorry if so) and girls would come over with cookies for him or food or a homemade blanket (true story) or other things. And I'd just sit there, waiting for him to introduce his girlfriend, me. Sometimes it would happen, and when it wouldn't, that was sort of an indication for me that he wasn't into me and was still searching, and I needed to move on.
OK, sort of sufficient background. Now to widowers. Any guesses from what I've shared above? We'll go backwards. 1) When you date a widower, you essentially are in competition - WITH THEIR DEAD WIFE (sorry to be so crass in how I said that) - but it is true. When someone's wife has died, they are still in love with them, they wish they were still around. So you are either a sufficient replacement, or you are just always being compared to her in their mind. You are competing with a ghost of whom a man only has good memories - remember, when someone passes away, you tend to just remember the good, which is a good thing - don't worry. 2) In short, polygamist in the heavens - it's not for me on earth, it's not for me there. I don't share well. No thanks. 3) I don't have enough confidence in myself to not be worried constantly that I am being compared to the late wife, that I don't measure up.
Could it work out with a widower? Perhaps. Now you see why I'm hesitant though.
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