Continuing this series: http://enerpacsays.blogspot.com/2014/01/some-posts-on-dating.html
versus
I know people who have married and divorced. There are members in my family who have experienced the heartbreak of divorce. And something that everyone has told me over and over is that it is better to be happy and single than to be miserable and married or divorced. I've been told that it is OK to be picky, especially today with so many issues with addiction, etc.
But should that stop me from looking or trying. No. It should stop me when the red flags pop up. But what are the flags? And am I too sensitive to them sometimes?
Almost ten years ago I was going out with this guy. He really enjoyed a particular television show that I didn't know much about. I thought that since he liked it so much, and talked about it often with friends, that I should give it a try. I recorded the show and sat down to watch one night. I didn't see any of the show. All I saw was a very brief moment of commercial. And the commercial had essentially naked women advertising something. I didn't stick around long enough to find out what they were advertising. I was shocked. I deleted the show off the DVR right away. Advertisements are always played that best suit the audience watching the show - the target audience. And even if he wasn't a fan of pornography, or the extreme - an addict, I knew he didn't have a DVR. I knew he didn't fast forward commercials. I knew he watched those commercials. It made me really uncomfortable (at the time a friend was dealing wit a husband with pornography issues.) I learned more about the actual television program and learned that it was inappropriate as well to my standards. We weren't far into the relationship, I wasn't really invested much. So at that time, that was enough for me to call it quits. As I've been updated on his life since then, I know I made the right choice. We would not have been a good pair, it would not have gone far. I think I had the right reaction to that red flag.
When did I not have the right reaction? In college, a few months into a relationship, the fellow I was dating mentioned that he didn't think a temple marriage was all that important. I won't go into the background as to why. But for me, my Patriarchal Blessing says in essence that I will marry someone who will settle for nothing less than to be sealed to me in the temple. Red flag! Nope, not a red flag. I should have discussed it with him. But I didn't. I just saw it as a red flag, and it was something that held me back for a long time - as the relationship went on for quite a long time. He is married today, was married in the temple. Yes, I overreacted in that case.
But, as I mentioned in another of these posts. I am happy in life. I am not going to get married just so that I can check that 5 for satisfaction with my life on my annual health assessment. Because if I am not married to the right person, that number may end up dropping. I want to continually improve my life. Yes, I encounter downfalls, difficulties, challenges that drag me down. But back up I pop. And I know that marriage is not perfect, that it won't make you happy if you are not already so, that it will be a struggle of it's own - but I do want to be with someone that I am willing to, happy to, excited to, feel it is is worth it to face those struggles with.
When I was in college, I dreamed of being young and poor and married and struggling to get by. It sounded so romantic. Now, I'm past the poor struggling romanticized phase. I don't expect of be rich of course, but I have worked my tail off in my career. Hopefully I can find someone else who appreciates hard work and has also worked hard and found what he enjoys doing (that is SO important, that he has found what he wants to do). I'm expecting my greatest challenge will arise when I have to sacrifice some of, much of, my independence. I won't go into that more, but you know what I mean no matter what age you married. And the older you were, the more you'll understand.
Enough said on this topic.
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