original image found: http://theindependent.sg/why-not-a-party/
I am often questioned why I don't go to singles' activities or events. Here's a couple reasons why (or rather why not):
I'm Awkward
Of course you can go with the shy excuse, or the more accepted term of the day, the introvert excuse. Pure panic attacks. The idea of going to an event where I know NOBODY, it's just not going to happen. Even going to a party with friends, good friends, it causes me to panic. I just don't do well with big events. I can host them, no problem - because I have a purpose, I have something to do. i don't do well not having a reason to be there, a reason I need to be there.
Competition
There have been countless times when I am at something and I am in a conversation with someone, a male, and we are having a great conversation and the next thing I know, a girl or a number of girls come up and just but into the conversation, and push me out of the conversation. I'm not going to compete for attention and if I notice the guy is now focusing attention of the conversation crashers, I'm outta there.
Morals
Have you heard of Duck Beach? It's in North Carolina. It is beautiful. 20+ years ago, one of my friend (Miss Kappa Delta) older sisters and her friends rented a beach house and went to Duck Beach over Memorial Day. This one group of friends has morphed into well over 1,000 LDS singles renting beach houses. But here's the thing about it. A few years ago, the bishop of a singles' ward in DC asked his members not to go to Duck Beach. He was tired of the numerous appointments he knew would follow the weekend, appointments of ward members coming to confess their sins, repent for what they did on the trip. For some reason, LDS singles (not all) think these big singles' events are an opportunity to not act LDS. I don't like it. I went to Duck Beach with friends 9 years ago. I didn't know what it was at the time. My friends had moved to DC and invited me to join them. So I did. I was embarrassed by the scantily clad ladies. I was embarrassed by how people were acting, everyone "hooking up" for the weekend - knowing they'll never see each other again (well at least not until another singles event that took them somewhere else in the country where they may ignore each other or hook up again for old time's sake.)
I experienced the same on a cruise I went on with friends. They proposed we go on a cruise, they said they'd take care of the details,and just before the trip, I learned we were going on a cruise with a large group of LDS singles. I honestly met some cool people on the trip. 4 or 5 of them to be exact. But again, I was embarrassed by the clothing, by the behavior, by much of what I saw from these LDS single adults. It just wasn't my crowd. I don't drop my standards to impress someone who I hope shares my standards.
One on One
That's what is all boils down to for me. When at BYU, I would get frustrated when girls would drop off cookies or dinner for the guy I was dating. But I'd get more frustrated if the guy didn't say thank you AND THEN introduce the girls to me, his girlfriend. You see, I got lots of attention from boys in college and after. So what? That attention didn't really mean anything to me. I guess it is flattering, but it doesn't excite me. it is the attention of the one that excites me. It is all I need to feel good about myself. The attention, the distant attention or admiration of many - that isn't what I like. And I would like a guy like that. I always seem to date these guys who many girls like. Guys who the girls love to flirt with, love to bring cookies to, love to spoil. I'd like a guy who is happy with my attention, with my cookies (I'll even use wheat flower), with my spoiling. I hope they'll be willing to give up those girl friends for me, their girlfriend.
And I think that is part of why so many people are still single today. There are so many single women out there. There are many men too, but not as many. Women, I've observed, will do anything to get the attention of these guys. Sadly, many of them lower their standards, they forget how they have striven to live for so many years, just for that chance with a guy. But the guys aren't going to marry a girl they can get anything from that they want. There is a saying about it (and thank you Nikki for commenting and reminding me of the quote), "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" I think that guys who are older, they like all the attention they are getting. And girls make it easy for them. I'm not necessarily making it super hard for them, but I am definitely not easy. I want to see my Bishop for a sealing recommend interview, not to confess for mistakes. I've stayed strong and it isn't always easy, but I am not going to give it all up not for temporary happiness.
1 comment:
I think the saying you were looking for is, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
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