And It Begins

(warning, this is a bit of a long post - but if you really want to know what's going on in my life, read on...)
For those who don't know, which means I don't see you much or I work with you, but I hope you don't work with me because this is a big secret from the office, anyway - I've been pretty miserable at work for too long. I kept thinking it was one of those things, you know, people go through cycles, they love their job, they like their job, they hate their job, then they like it again, and they start the cycle again. I have not liked my job for a long time. I've tried so many things to find that spark again, to like my job again. It's not working. I have migraine's all the time, and they are stressed induced. Not stress as in I'm behind at work, stressed as in I don't want to go to work. I don't want another Stake President or Bishop to chew me out on the phone because they don't want me to tell them really what is right, they just want me to tell them they can do whatever they want. There's a lot more than that, but lets just say my testimony is shot and it's worth a little more to me than a paycheck.

Last year I started looking for jobs. I didn't know what I wanted to do though, so I looked at everything. I was hoping the right job would find me I guess. But it didn't. None of the offers felt right. So I just started really looking at what I wanted to do with my life. I accepted a long time ago, maybe too long ago, that I would never marry. But even with that realization, I didn't actually see myself where I am in life. I know I have a really great job, and my paycheck, though not providing a life of luxury - is better than a lot of people get. But I don't care about that. I've sort of lost who I was. I've become a person I don't really like so much - I don't think I even have a personality anymore.

I've always admired that my mother volunteered with so many organizations. Hospital guilds, theater guilds, local organizations, etc. It's something I always wanted to have the opportunity to do. I volunteered with the Symphony and Opera guilds in Salt Lake, but my work hours put a wrench in that. So now, I help out friends whenever I can and as much as I can. I need to help people, I need to have some purpose, because really, I just sort of feel like wasted space.

So I started thinking of what my friends and family members do, of their careers. And then thinking of what I want to do. I started piecing it together and I decided.

So tonight was my first class in what should take me about four years to complete. Nope, it's not medical school, it's nursing school. Because I graduated from college 10 years ago, I have to take all the classes that are required as prereqs again. There's 10 classes plus labs. It will take about three years to get through. Then I will hopefully be accepted into the UofU's nursing program. It's a one year accelerated program because I already have a bachelors degree. I have a few areas I am interested in, but won't really know until I take my classes and see where I find my niche. Anything in pediatrics is good with me since I'm good with kids, and frankly, I'm not bothered by crying - neonatal, or something surgical. Labor and delivery is out because I don't have any personal experience and couldn't give honest advice or council when I don't really know what they pain is like, etc. But helping the actual children that I can do. And I can do it here in the US, or I can do in on a medical mission abroad where they really need the help.

So anyways, way too long. Is anyone still reading even? But there it is. That is my new five year goal, though I hope to be done sooner. I'm gonna be a nurse. Three years of night school (and I'll blog about that soon) to take all my prereqs and then I'll quit my job (remember, it's a secret) and go to nursing school for a year.

So, now you know why every other weekend I've been on a trip this summer. I had to get all the traveling out of my system because it's going to be a long time before I can afford to travel again.

A friend recently told me, "If you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life." He's an anesthesiologist at Primary Children's Hospital. He got it right. I can't wait for that day.