...well, maybe me and Samantha Baker, MR's character in Sixteen Candles. Do you know the film? Quick summary of just part of the movie, but the reason it has it's name (since I don't like to know what films are about before I see them, I wouldn't want to spoil it for you...) A girl's sister is getting married, and all the final preparations/family coming to town/etc for the festivities happen on her 16th birthday, and thus her birthday is forgotten by every member of the family. That is just part of it, but that is where we bonded.
For the last five years, my family has forgotten my birthday. I am not a person who likes lots of attention, I think everyone who knows me, knows that about me. But having my birthday forgotten every year by my family, I'll be honest, it is a little hurtful. And there haven't been any weddings or big events happening to distract, the day is just forgotten.
Do you know when I knew I wouldn't get married? When I was in my late twenties, I was introduced to the brother of a friend, eight times. He wasn't someone I was interested in, he was just the brother of a friend. But eight times? Each time, we had a conversation. Each time, he made similar, but not using the same words, similar comments on how unique my name was and how cool it was. But not once did he remember, oh wait, I've heard that cool name before, nor hey, your face is familiar. I have an annoying propensity of having a brain that remembers everything. It truly is annoying, and I wish I hadn't be born with such a brain. And I don't really keep track of how many times I meet someone, well, I guess my brain does. But I purposefully started paying attention to this particular interaction, because, sadly, it had such an influence on me. That someone could meet me eight times (and this isn't eight times over a few years or decades, this was over maybe 3-4 months), and have no recollection of me. If only he knew... not that he'd care.
I was forgotten again today. In a different way. But I am getting tired of it. I don't know why I am always forgotten, I really don't. I know I am quiet, and getting shy-er by the day (if you haven't seen me since my twenties, you really wouldn't even know me - kind of sad,) but really, I've given up. It has just happened too many times. I try to not let it get to me. I don't celebrate my birthday so that I won't be disappointed when my family forgets. It's sort of why I've become such a turtle, enclosed in a pretty thick shell, because I am tired of the pain of disappointment. I still continue to make a point to remember every one's birthdays and other occasions (for example, I remember my parent's anniversary every year, even if they don't,) oh, and I don't use Facebook for it, I actually keep birthdays in a calendar and I make sure other people know they are thought of, but I guess I have become unique in that sense.
Not looking for pity here folks. But maybe this will help people understand a little better why I am as I am. If I don't get emotionally involved, I won't be emotionally hurt - because frankly, I've had more than enough hurt in my life. I'm a little over it.
So two posts in less than eight hours... not sure when the next will be since I've just been so preoccupied with stuff, but I'll try. Maybe I'll even get the chance to blog about why I've been so busy lately.
Happy Sunday today. (it is Sunday today, in case you forgot...)
2 comments:
Poor thing :(
Happy birthday from Hungary!
Uncle Roger and Aunt Caroly
well, it is actually three days before yours, so past a few weeks ago, but you are on a different time zone there in Hungary, so that might explain the delay =)
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