A Couple Things Not to Say to Single Women

image from: http://emilyruthbrown.blogspot.com/2013/02/rant-should-libraries-be-quiet.html

There are all kinds of lists that float around Facebook.  I liked the "5 Things Mormons Should Stop Doing" - though I think it applies to everyone.  There's the Signs You Know You Grew Up in the 80s or in the 90s. Or the signs of growing up in California.  All kinds of lists.

I've started a new list.  Here's two of the items I would put on that list:

1) Please don't remind me of "other great women" who never married.  #1: I'm two months shy of 39.  Are you telling me that I should give up? Are you telling me I'm not the marrying type? Are you telling me you never thought I'd get married?  These are all thoughts that have passed through my mind over the years, but frankly, now, I just want to smack you upside the head.  Please don't compare me to Sheri Dew.  Someone did that when I was in my 20's and she was in the General Relief Society Presidency.  A vendor did this the other day at a lunch appointment, after the lunch, my coworker, who was also there, turned to me and said, "Sheri Dew is not attractive, that's just one of the reasons she isn't married. You are not ugly, you are not demanding - there is not comparison."  I wanted to give him a high five, just for choosing the better way to make me feel good about myself.  And I mean no offense to Sister Dew.  I know what happens to a person, a woman, when we have to fend for ourselves, when we have to toughen ourselves up, when we start working higher powered positions and have to prove ourselves. But telling a girl she is not alone, that doesn't make her feel any better about herself. 

2) Please don't be surprised that I can take care of children or assume that I cannot take care of children.  I started babysitting a very, very long time ago.  I've always been good with kids.  I enjoy being around kids.  Kids do not intimidate me. I don't avoid kids because it makes me feel bad that I don't have my own.  I can change diapers. I can make kid friendly meals. I can put them to bed. I can handle multiple children at once. I can handle twins. Twins plus other siblings.  Throw it my way folks. I'm a girl. It is very much in my nature. I watch my friends' kids often - various friends.  I do watch one particular friend's kids more than the rest.  I've made friends with a number of her neighbors over the years and know their children. One friend mentions that she should have my friend's son over when I'm watching the kids to make it easier on me. Do you know what I hear when she says that? (Side note: I really like this friend. She is great. She is super kind. I do not want to believe that she means to demean me.)  But here is what I hear:  You (meaning me) can't handle three kids, so I (the friend) will take one of them off your hands.  Yes, that does mean I'll have 5 young kids in my house to watch, but I am a mom, and I can handle it.

Please don't sell women short because they are single. Yes, I do realize there are single women who want nothing to do with kids, they avoid them at all costs. I'm obviously not that person.  I wouldn't spend so much time with my friends and their kids if I was. I have never had the goal to be like Sheri Dew.  I am nothing like Sarah Palin (yes, I know she's married, but the comparison is made) and it is not a compliment to tell me I remind you of her.

Please like us for who we are. Compliment us for what we do. Don't be surprised we can do things. You don't tell a married woman with children you are surprised she knows how to change a diaper or has a magic touch when it comes to putting a child to sleep.  Just be nice, be complimentary, be encouraging. We (I) don't need to be compared to others - neither because you think I'm better than them or you think they are great and think I'm just as great. No thanks...

Carry on.