I Remembered...

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So the evening after I finished the last post, I remember what it is that had set me off.  I can't tell the story because I don't want to hurt a friend's feelings, but I do wonder what you think about some things.

And let me start off with, I know that I have different ideas on things. I was never the girl who dreamed of what colors I'd have at my wedding someday.  A while ago I found this envelope of wedding dresses and dishes (so I assume China patterns) and flowers maybe? I can't remember exactly, it was a while ago. But I remembered how in college my roommates all had those fantasies, and when they were engaged, it was kind of overwhelming the madness. This coming from the girl who's always wanted to elope, would actually be happy with just a wedding band, doesn't want a big to do, just something really low key. 

Now that I'm on track to turn 40 next, and still am not married, those wants haven't changed. Though now there is even more to it.

Let's talk about showers, as in bridal and baby.  I was taught that you throw a bridal shower, because when a young couple married, they really don't have much of anything. They are just starting out. A bridal shower is the first step in helping them stock the kitchen with appliances and dishes, the bathroom with towels, the bedroom drawers with, mumble mumble, skimpy things...  And then the reception is a time for even more gifts to help them start out.  A baby shower is to help FIRST time parents stock their home with diapers and wipes and onsies and burp clothes and other needs.

Today, people are thrown baby showers for every child they have... Now, I do give my friends a gift (I make the same thing for everyone, for every child) with each child.  I do not attend showers that others throw for them for other children. I just visit my friend on my own, or go to lunch. But I do boycott showers beyond for the first child. My friends know this about me. I don't think any of them are offended.

When a couple is getting married, and one or both have been married before, it isn't right for them to ask people to buy them more presents. They split up the stuff from their first marriage, they've already received help.

For me, especially now, I have a storage unit full of the stuff I've collected the last 20 years of being single. I have every appliance and some for the kitchen.  I had everything for 2 bathrooms, though, I thought it pointless to keep them in storage and sent them to one of my brothers for their family to use. And I'm not into other people buy skimpy things for me... too private. But I'm at a point in life, where I don't need that help starting out. It would not be right if I registered for a bunch of stuff, asked for gifts. That would be totally taking advantage of people. I kind of started doing it all on my own... Now that absolutely does not mean I don't want to get married. Getting married is way more for me than getting presents.

These days, I've been invited to showers where we were asked to bring money to help pay for the exotic honeymoon they want to take. What?  I have a number of friends, who, when first married in their early twenties, they couldn't afford such a trip, but they had a lovely trip nonetheless.  And then, they saved together and they took that "exotic" trip years later, when they could really enjoy it, because really - the honeymoon is about getting to know each other, not necessarily a new place.

I remember a girl I worked with when at BYU.  She got engaged soon after we first met. And to be honest, I've never seen such a small stone.  The band was really thin, and then a tiny stone.  A stone that was what the love of her life could afford, and which put the BIGGEST smile on her face, and made her so very happy. I remember that.  And I remember the stones on so many of my friends hands.  The size didn't matter, what mattered was the love they felt. Those with bigger diamonds, they weren't anymore happy that those with smaller rings.

I would much, much rather have a husbands who loves me, who treats me well, who makes me laugh like crazy, who doesn't mind my silly quirks, who has some silly quirks of his own.  I would much, much rather have the support of my family and friends, their well wishes. Because that values more to me than monetary gifts.

So for you?  Did the size of your ring make you think your future spouse loved you more or less?  What do you think of showers? Appropriate number? Appropriate age? What you should ask for from family and friends?

Just wonderin'...